Random, Useless Observations from the Author

Money RECIEVED - A penny for my thoughts, to be collected from EACH of you when I see you next.

I'm trying to convince myself that this blog wont be another one of my ADHD-fueled, impulse-ambitions, so today I'm going to do TWO posts. Arent you the lucky one!
Ya know, I'm settled in Switzerland now, I have my own place, a steady job, a girlfriend, and things are starting to look alot more balanced in my life.
But the good feelings cant last forever, and I for one am sick of being content. So here, just for you, are a list of things that are pissing me at this moment.
Number one, SWISS ATTITUDES. Dont get me wrong, I love Switzerland, my girlfriend is Swiss, there is mountains and chocolates and yodelling, but I tell you there is an epidemic here. Arguing. They love to argue. They shout alot, about little things, and it always seems whenever I am having a 'small debate' between either my boss, my girlfriend, the public transportation police, bouncers, they are just so gung-ho to win the argument at any cost, its not even funny. I ask myself, why do they do this? Cant they relax a little bit? Take a lesson from Canada or the Caribbean and not take life so seriously? Then the answer came to me... Switzerland has been a neutral country for hundreds of years, one of the ONLY such countries in the world. For generations, the Swiss have never experienced the bloody, messy, gut-splattering satisfaction of war. They want to, sure. The Swiss nation has a military service which all men must join, or pay a fee. They go out, play war games, do some pretend-shootin' and pretend-killin', and get paid something like $35,000 to do this. At the end of it all, they get to take home a AR-15 Fully Automatic Rifle with live ammunition, which for most people stays dormant in the closet, for others helps bump up the statistics that puts Switzerland at one of the highest rates of suicide in europe, and every few years a guy will go postal on some random people at a bus stop. Great. Where was I going with this? Ah yes, well, I mean its a proven fact that even monkey and baboons are constantly in a state of war, and from the dawn of time man had epic warfare against the dinosaurs, the sea, orcs, warlocks and finally, himself. To do something like claim you are a neutral country simply goes against human nature, and just seeing them now constantly, subconsciously, striving for warfare in any form they can merely reinforces this fact. So there you have it. Swiss people always argue because they are missing out on battle, and well folks, you can take the Swiss out of the war but you cant take the war out of the Swiss. Case closed.

And another thing, has anyone ever been inside a club, and then people just start piling in, and you realize it is just like a massive game of tetris? As more and more people cram in, you need to turn to fit the nooks depending on the size of the person. A girl comes by. no problem, shes just a couple blocks. Dude with a skateboard, gotta nudge yourself past your buddy to make room, hes about 4 blocks. Uh oh, fat dude with a hiking bag, everybody needs to make way to ensure maximum comfort and before you know it, your hip is locked between the bar and a stool being used by a behemoth, and your oxygene supply is depleteing fast. Then you realize, why am I even here? I hate jazz fusion, man. I'm out. Game over.

Man oh man, have you ever watched women grooming themselves in the mirror before? Whats going on there?? Ever seen a woman try to pop a zit? Talk about a joke. When women pop zits, its like theyre trying to coax a sick puppy out of its bed. Slowly slowly, bit by bit, whispering little words of encouragement. I feel embarassed for the little guy when he finally does leave the face, to the super-non-astounding 'pop', and then its over. When I pop a zit, its like a highly trained mercenary force showering a civilian village in machine gun fire before dropping a series of carpet bombs, taking out the schools and hospitals, and then finally the ruthless commando leader whips a concussion grenade into the city square for one final show of fireworks. POW, BANG! It hits the mirror with such force it nearly breaks the the damn thing, ricochets off and just about puts a 3 inch exit wound through the back of your head! Its no mercy for my acne, I always use every muscle in my upper body to destroy the little bastard! I wont stop until I see BLOOD!
Sweeet...

Ok thats all for now folks, take care.